... and now, the 'Nothing Better To Do' company presents ...

SEVEN REASONS TO IGNORE ALICE'S NEW EMAIL ADDRESS
(and her silly reminder message)

1) The reminder message from Alice (and most other messages over the past few months) came from the address she's asking people not to use -- in other words SHE'S STILL USING THE OLD ADDRESS HERSELF which is encouraging people to reply to that address and this is sending out confusing messages to everyone about which address she really wants to use.

2) Alice copied herself in on the recipient list of her reminder message USING THE OLD ADDRESS which means that Alice is still sending messages TO HERSELF at her old address! (Since the advent of hands-free mobile phones, talking to oneself is possibly no longer the first sign of madness, but this could well have been replaced by the act of sending emails to oneself!)

3) The new address failed whilst Alice was away in Crete, suggesting that it might already be clogged up with pork luncheon meat, but the old address appeared to continue to operate normally. If the reason for changing email addresses is to cut down on unwanted unsolicited unloved orphan email about goldfish, what will she save by switching?

4) Alice has been planning this changeover for months and months -- possibly even a year or more -- but it still hasn't happened. The odds on it happening now (and please refer to 1) 2) and 3) above) seem rather low.

5) There are only seven exclamation marks in Alice's reminder email. This is suspiciously low, so it's possible the email might not even be from her (or her medication might be causing her to want to change her email address, which could cause her contacts to suffer from 'change of address request syndrome').

6) Joe Bloggs rules! Ok?

7) Please see 6)

XXXK

Dear Keithie baby (also known as Joe Bloggs),
You are not alone in pointing out the above inconsistencies, I have to admit!!!! However, yours was the best letter, so here are my ripostes, in order named:

1. I've twice asked Simon to make it possible for me to send from my new email address. In each case -- with the flimsy and hopelessly self-serving excuses of having to hire professors of ethnomusicology, a lousy headcold, two articles due in 2006 with a final deadline this week etc etc -- he has still failed to do so. I mean, HONESTLY.
2. Oops!!!!!!!!!! (I wonder exactly who I'd meant to click on starting with A ...?)
3. The new address succeeded triumphantly while I was in Crete ... (a trial switch-off of the old address). As for what I'll save by switching, well, I consider myself an averagely patient and tolerant person (NO, THAT DOES NOT INCLUDE SPIDERS AND FRENCH PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). Over the years I found that I could cope with a hundred spam emails a day, and even 200, and that even 250 didn't faze me too much. I first began to feel the strain at 300, and now -- at what is probably a European record -- at 370-380 spam messages a day found that I could cope no longer. Thus, the answer to your question is: I hope to save (a modest) 250 or so spam emails a day (ish).
4. Good point!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The reason is that Alice is a mug for her friends. Everytime I'm about to switch off the old email finally and for good, I get some heartfelt note from some long-lost buddy on my old one, which stays my hand. (But I AM going to do it next month.
   Just watch me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5. Another good point, abysmally failing to take into proper account that the ten or so email(s) were addressed not only to nearest and dearest but also to accountants, bank managers, sweet little old ladies at church etc etc. (Didn't want to frighten the bloody horses, did I????????????????????)

XXXA