Dear Alice,
Where oh where is your cow, you silly column?????
Keithie baby

Dear Keithie baby,
I have been SO BUSY pricing fish-slices that I ...

Dear Keithie baby,
I'm so sorry, the dog ate it.

Dear Keithie baby,
I've got workmen in -- the most beautiful people I've ever set eyes on, as they are FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY putting our flooring down in the kitchen -- after four months -- and I'm so excited that I just CAN'T sit still and write columns ...

Dear Keithie baby,
I am so worried about my second Giant African Landsnail, who has stopped climbing the walls (literally) and has a kind of translucent light on his horns, that I have been unable to ...

Dear Keithie baby,
I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING TO WRITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear readers:

Actually, I do have a great tip for you this week:

Check out eBay and look up DEZINESHOP.

They have T-shirts (really good quality), polo shirts, gig bags, normal bags (including music bags) with Cello Chick with Attitude, Double Bass Don't Blame Me, Blame my G-string, Horn Maniac with a French horn (I got one for my nine-year-old and she LOVES it), Violin Virtuoso in training, Viola Vixen, Trumpet Dude/Babe, Treble Trouble ... All kinds of designs, and you can have your name on the sleeves (if you happen to be one of those people who tends to forget yours). You can even get 'Passed Grade * with distinction' if you're very gifted, or good at lying. (You can get any grade.) They wash brilliantly and have zippy neon-style colours: hot green, bright yellow, orange, etc.

Their feedback is fantastic and you get the products almost the moment your fingers leave the PayPal key.

So what are you waiting for?

Cordially,
Alice